WARNING: This post is just an opinion of myself and does not reflect the site as a whole (but the other people on here probably agree with me).
I want to start out by saying that the title for this post is really clever. I almost pulled a muscle patting myself on the back when I thought of it.
This may come as a surprise to many of you, but I hate Comic-Con. Before you go to Home Depot (or Lowes to maintain a fair business competition) and stock up on pitch forks to form a Philly-style flash mob against me please give me a moment to explain myself.
I LOVE Comic-Con! The sights and the sounds are really something to behold, but my olfactory sense has an ongoing beef with the aggressive lack of hygiene that is witnessed at these things. I’m a bro, but sometimes I really do think people go above and beyond to step up their stank game in San Diego each July.
And this is nothing new! People have been complaining about the smell of people at Comic-Cons for decades! It is not something I will live to see the end of, but hopefully I can live to see it curbed a bit. I mean, seriously how rude is it? I know many of us are not cognitive to our own scent most of the time but that doesn’t mean the stink isn’t there because we don’t see the cartoonish green vapor lines.
I want to cover the “hot spots” individually from the bottom up since the origin of smells can come from anywhere.
Feet! Comic-Con means a lot of standing around and walking all day long, which could lead to swampfoot if you are rocking old kicks and socks. Thankfully a shoe barrier means that a majority of us are spared the gnarly odor coming from that hot mess but that doesn’t mean that it is not there. A quick remedy for this if you don’t want to shell dough out for new shoes is to put some Dr. Scholl’s Odor-X insoles. These guys contain a layer of baking soda to help absorb the perspiration or something. I don’t know how they work, they just do. Also, be sure to pair that with fresh, never worn before socks. If you are going sock-less then look for some baby powder to keep your feet nice and dry. Also, scrub your feet when you shower.
Legs and Groin! Your lower body is approximately 55-65% of your body mass and is on average more overlooked than the torso. Every square inch of your body contains sweat glands and when your body is trying to keep you cool it does not discriminate, so if you are wearing pants the fabric will absorb some of that. To avoid this be sure to scrub your legs when you shower and wash your pants regularly. Don’t be afraid to hit your “grown-up area” with some deodorant too. That place can smell very quickly, especially if hairy. I know thats gross but it is true. A nice dry-stick deodorant should take care of that issue with a more longterm solution and if you are going to The Con hoping to get lucky this is the best advice I can give you, boy OR girl.
Torso! Just like your lower body, this area is the birthplace for a high concentration of nastiness. Armpits are one thing everyone is aware of, but the chest, stomach, and back also gather sweat on a fulltime basis especially if you spend a long time sitting in a poorly ventilated panel room. Be sure to hit your front section with some deodorant and make sure you hit areas where the skin folds onto itself such as your belly button and rolls. Those trouble areas trap moisture and keep rubbing on itself turning a bad situation even worse. A dry-stick deodorant will help trap moisture to keep it from soaking into your shirt and help you stay looking good.
Head! The master blaster itself, the head has several sources of bad smells AND is at the same level as most people’s noses leading to direct foulness with minimal travel distance to dissipate. Where the F do I start first? The mouth? Brushing teeth is an important habit. Not only can you help fight cavities, but it also helps you get rid of left over food hiding in the crevices of your mouth just rotting away and stinking up the place. Brush and floss! And for the love of god invest in packs of gum. You can even pass out the gum as a “nice” gesture to people around you. Next up, your hair! Your hair traps all of the sweat from your scalp like it’s name is Chris Hansen. There are various shampoos you can use to clean off your scalp and the grease form your hair, but I highly suggest you also purchase some facial scrub to help get the dead cells and dirt out of your pores, and be sure to get behind your ears. While you are at it, get some nose strips to get the blackheads off your nose. That has nothing to do with smells but it doesn’t hurt.
Other Issues! There are external issues that cause people to smell bad too. Smokers for instance almost always seem to have the smell trapped in their shirts and hair. Even if you don’t smoke and pass someone who is that stench will find its way onto you. Another thing to consider is cats. I can often tell if someone owns a cat because of that distinct smell of piss. Those two examples are reasons of why you should regularly do your laundry and/or pack several changes of clothes to keep things fresh all day long.
Also, watch what you eat! We all know that certain types of foods can cause foul smelling gas of both varieties, but they can also cause your sweat to smell horribly too. Garlic, hydrogenated oils, foods high in acid, and even alcohol causes changes in your body chemistry resulting in changes of scent. When you are out eating be sure to take your time too. Eating foods too quickly increases the amount of oxygen you swallow, thus leading to burps.
Oh! ANd for god’s sake lay off the Axe or Drakkar Noir. A passing spritz is fine, but don’t drown yourself in the stuff.
That’s it for me. If you have something to add or want to point out how wrong I am please be sure to leave a little love in the comments.
